Blague
if you have a funny story to share, please feel free to share it. english, or creole,, but funny!
Haitian Student Alliance – KSU
Promoting cultural diversity
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Popi-papa on Blague Ghetty Hilaire on New Applicant Information jesi kado on Pics of Movie Night Johane Grammont on **Quick Re-Tape of our ROUNTAB… moy on Blague
ksuhsa said
to start it off,, i see this post everywhere, so i guess its not bad for me to put it up
Things Haitians should know…
1. Matching the colors of your clothes is
mandatory.
2. White socks with shoes is not fashionable.It never was.
3. “Bien Etre” is not a classy perfume.
4. Black IS beautiful.
5. Marie-***** should not be the name of every woman in your family or every child you have.
6. Usher is not Haitian.
7. Not every person with locks (dreads) is a “vagabond”.
8. You don’t have to go to church in your best clothes. It’s not a fashion show.
9. The Pope is not God.
10. Rapping in English with a heavy accent is annoying.
11. Speaking French, living in a white
neighborhood, and driving a Benz does not mean “you have arrived” or finally made it.
12. Having a security job does not mean you are a cop.
13. A Home Health Aide or CNA is not a Nurse.
14. Women with underarm hair is NOT sexy, at least not in America .
15. Expired medication should not be sent to Haiti to be sold “nan ti mache”.
16. A machete is not a tool.
17. A knife is not a screwdriver.
18. Asking your child if he or she did their homework does not constitute “checking their homework”.
19. “Lwil Maskiti” does not help in curing
Cancer, Diabetes or Cysts. Go to the doctor!
20. “Mademoiselle, voulez-vous m’accordez cette danse” can still be
used to ask a woman to dance instead of “Epps, ti cherie, an al danse’ “.
21. Just because you buy a woman a drink at a party doesn’t mean you just married her.
22. Dancing close does not mean you gettin some.
23. “She’s dark BUT she’s still beautiful”
immediately shows your stupidity and is NOT a compliment.
24. A moo-moo is not sexy.
25. The Haitian flag should not be worn as clothing.
26. Sending food to your family in Haiti does not constitute giving back to the community.
27. There is something wrong with working two jobs as a housecleaner and a security guard in the United States just so you can pay for the maid and the “jeran lakou” in Haiti.
28. Haitian patties need more meat.
29. The plastic can be taken off of your living room furniture.
30. Spending more than you make will eventually catch up with you.
31. She married Aristide for the money.
32. Maids are not hired to be your personal hoe.
33. It’s ok if you don’t speak French.
34. Not everyone is from Port-Au Prince, Petion Ville or Cap-Haitian. Let’s be real.
35. There is no need to eat all of the Lambi at a house party.
36. In business, competition is actually good; no need to kill or burn your competitors business.
37. No matter how much you bad mouth haitians and think that you are more educated, more civilized or just plain
better… you are also Haitian, silly! “
johane said
I posted this on Facebook a while ago, but here it is again:
Pandan mwen te fin bwè tafia ak kèk zanmi, mwen te sou, epi youn ladan yo deside mennen-m al lakay mwen.
Monchè, lè misye rive, mwen pwofite fè misye vizite lakay mwen:
Ou wè bèl kay sa-a w-ap gade la-a, se kay mwen.
Ou wè bèl salon sa-a, se salon pa-m.
Ou wè bèl chanm sa-a, se chanm mwen.
Ou wè kabann sa-a ki nan chanm lan, se kabann pa-m.
Ou wè fanm sa-a ki kouche sou li ya, se madanm mwen.
Ou wè nèg sa-a ki sou li ya, se mwen.
moy said
i know im a dude and us dudes front like we never got a whoppin’ but i gotta let y’all know about this one time i got a beating
Time & Place: 9 years old, NY
(first-off i wasnt a bad kid, i didnt think so)
so one time i actually did something bad, i think i was messing around on the computer and broke it (my 2nd time breaking it) before my dad came home. He was so mad,, i thought i was gonna get killed. so i put on like 3 pairs of shorts and 3 more pairs of briefs just in case. i waited in my room ( which means i hid in my closet) for a long time. so when i thought the coast was clear, i went to my bed and prayed that my dad was gonna forget.
I went to sleep and actually was having a good dream till its started turning into a nightmare. i didnt know why but my lower torso was starting to feel HOT,, so i opened my eyes, and to my surprise, saw my pops straight up letting me have with his belt, BLAZING MY BEHIND. when i realized what was happening,, i tried to stop him and cover my ass, but my shorts and briefs weren’t on me. I WAS BUTT NAKED.
Now my family lived together (cuz we was poor) so my uncle slept in my room and he was CRACKIN (Laughing) up a storm while i was getting torn up.
for that week and half the next week, the white teacher and kids in my class didnt know why i kept on bringing a pillow to class and i leaned on one side of my cheek at a time like i had Diarrhea …
Now this other time I got a double beating…..
moy said
“Hallelujah”
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, “Hallelujah!” The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, “Amen!” The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher’s instructions. “Hallelujah!” shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. “Amen!” shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. “This is great!” said the man. With a “Hallelujah” he rode off, very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through the mountains. As he headed towards a cliff, he tried to remember the word to make the donkey stop. “Stop,” said the man. “Halt!” he cried. The donkey just kept going. “Oh, no…” “Bible…Church!… Please! Stop!!” shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer… “Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, AMEN.” The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. Hallelujah!” the man shouted…….
moy said
“Medical Mystery”
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
“Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. My farts never smell, and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The Doctor says, ” I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady comes back. “Doctor”, she says, ” I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent…stink terribly.”
The Doctor says, “Good!!! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
moy said
“Genesis of Humor”
A new pastor moved into a town, and he went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20″ and stuck it in the door.
The next day, as he was counting the offering, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation “Genesis 3:10.”
Revelation 3:20 “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
Genesis 3:10 So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
moy said
“Preach, Mr. Jones”
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?”
“I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg.”
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. “And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?” he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
“Jesus!”, Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
“Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones,” said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. “Who is your redeemer?” he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
“God!” Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
“Right again,” said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, “You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I’ll break it in half and shove it up your ass!”
“Amen,” replied the congregation.
moy said
“Wrong Email”
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
Popi-papa said
Mr Popi. I don’t remember this beating, but if it did happenned, it probably hurt me more then it hurts me.
Your Dad